We get it. For most of us, there is nothing more terrifying than the thought of standing up in front of everyone you know and telling the person you love most in the world how you feel about them – in about a minute or less! But writing your own vows doesn’t have to be a source of anxiety. In fact, it can be a great chance to gain a new appreciation for all the things that are special about your partner and your relationship together!
The most important thing to ‘getting it right’ is making sure you allow plenty of time. In our guide to Planning a Wedding we recommend you start working on your vows about 3 months before your wedding day. This may sound like a lot of time, but it takes the pressure off and allows you to gradually refine your vows until you are completely happy with them.
Before you get started, you and your partner should decide on how you want to do your vows. There are a few different ways to approach your vows:
This is the most traditional version and probably the easiest since you only need to come up with one set of vows that are important to both of you. Writing them together can also make the job easier! The one drawback to this approach is that your vows don’t have the chance to be individualised (since you are both repeating the same thing!).
You each write your own individual vows but share them with each other in advance so that you know they are similar in terms of length and tone. This allows your vows to be super personal and you can include all the quirky things you love about each other, share stories about how you met and make your vows really memorable for your guests. The only disadvantage to this method is that your vows will take on an element of familiarity and may lose some of the emotional punch on the day.
Set out a list of agreed questions and then write your answers to those as your vows. You can compose the answers to include the question – ‘My favourite thing about our relationship is…” so that guests are kept in the loop!
This is a fantastic option for couples who want the full emotional impact of hearing your partner’s words for the very first time on your wedding day. You just need to make sure you are on the same page in terms of length and tone. After all, it would be pretty awkward if one of you writes a deeply emotional, heartfelt sonnet while the other one reads a jokey limerick! But if you follow the same format, you can make sure your vows are consistent whilst still being a surprise. Check out the formatting section further on for more information.
Ninja vows involve you and your partner writing vows for each other which are kept a surprise until the ceremony. We love this super fun option which has great potential for giving your guests a few giggles. Again, it pays to set a few formatting guidelines (length, level of silliness) so your tone is somewhat consistent.
Now that you’ve decided how you are going to approach your vows it is time to put pen to paper and start getting your thoughts in order! Here’s a few tips to help you get over your writer’s block and stop procrastinating!
Agreeing on a format is super important, especially if you are going down the ‘surprise vows’ route. You don’t want one person rattling off a laundry list of promises and the other summing it all up in 90 seconds! While your vows don’t have to be exactly the same format is does help the ceremony to have a consistent feel. You may like to agree to a certain number of vows – or to simply agree on a word limit so that your vows are the same length. There are no hard and fast rules, but we’d probably recommend about 250 words as being a good length. Anything longer and it starts to feel more like a speech. Alternatively, select a number of promise starters and vow starters each and go wild.
Here’s a few ideas to get you going.
I’ll always…
Together, we’ll…
I look forward to…
You make me…
You give me…
We share…
My life is better with you in it because…
I admire…
I can’t believe that…
Because of you, I am…
You’ve taught me…
When we first met, I…
I realised I loved you when…
I promise to give you…
I promise to be…
I promise that we’ll…
I promise to treat you…
I promise to share…
I promise to tell you…
I promise to love you…
I promise to respect you…
I promise to laugh at…
This is the fun bit! The part where you wax lyrical about all the amazing things you love about your partner, how they have changed your life and the hopes and dreams you have for your future together. Don’t try and write magnificent prose right off the bat – start with a list of dot points and add to them over the course of a couple of days. Not sure where to start?
Here’s a list of primers to get those juices flowing:
Phew. Give yourself a pat on the back and take a few days off. When you come back to your list you should pick the answers that stand out to you as being the most heartfelt, true, poignant and fun. Next step is to spin those answers into the promises or vows you’ve chosen for your format. And there you go! Before you know it, you have a set of personalised, meaningful and unique vows that truly speak to you and your partner’s love for one another.
Vows are written to be spoken so it is critical that you practice speaking your vows out loud. Stand up in front of a mirror and listen to how the words sound, how they feel and the pacing of your delivery. Watch your posture and make sure you are standing straight and look confident. Take a recording on your phone and listen back to it – most people talk way faster in public than they would in a normal conversation so try to slow down and speak clearly.
There is no shame in admitting you are struggling. After all, not all of us are wordsmiths or used to expressing their deepest feelings in a concise and eloquent way. And what better person to ask for help than someone who has witnessed hundreds of weddings?? Yep, your marriage celebrant is your go-to person for help with your wedding vows.
And most of all, relax! There is really nothing that can go wrong. You’re getting married to the person you love, and your family and friends are just super happy to see it happen. Even if you forget all your lines or mumble inaudibly, your partner and guests will be so overjoyed on the occasion that it truly doesn’t matter.
At Weddings of Canberra, we firmly believe that planning a wedding doesn’t have to be stressful! Simply check out our handy 12-month guideline, create an account and start browsing our crazy-talented Canberra wedding vendors.
